Balance

The first time I got pregnant I read many books on pregnancy, becoming a parent, etc. In some of them as well as pieces of advice from others there was advice on not neglecting your partner/spouse once you have children. It was talked about how many women have children and become so consumed (maybe even obsessed) with their children that their relationship takes a back seat to the children. That there are women who are so busy raising their children they "forget" to nurture their marriage/relationship or they simply don't give it enough attention. Sometimes this causes problems and in extreme cases can ruin the marriage because the husband feels neglected, not wanted, etc. Everything said to remember that yes you have to raise your kids but to also remember that at some point in life your children are going to grow up and lead their own lives and it will end up just being you and your spouse.

Well when I read and heard all of these things, I thought well that wont happen to me. I will not let that happen. For the most part that has been the case. Thankfully it has not been an issue. We  are usually on the same page about things and even when we aren't we are good about talking it out  and coming to a compromise. 

Well with our current situation I became guilty of it all. When I was first told about what was going on with the pregnancy I was consumed with certain aspects. All I worried about was my children. I became so concerned about baby inside and his health. I let the power of Google take over and my mind was reeling with all the what ifs and scenarios. I was also consumed with worry about little man. How unfair it was to him to have to adjust to me being away, how he was too young to understand what was going on. I was worried about how he would be affected. Then I worried about myself. Again google got the best of me, and all of sudden there were worse case scenarios about my health. There were risks to factor in about my health. So that is all I thought about. When my husband was able to visit me, I flooded him with the hospital details, my worries, my thoughts, and constant questions about how little man was doing at home. 

Then one of the nights that I was there and letting my mind run wild it dawned on me that I forgot about him. I simply assumed that he was going to be there to take care of everything. I didn't ask him about his thoughts, worries, and feelings. I didn't ask him how his day was even though in normal life I ask him that all the time. And worse of all I wasn't thanking him for being the awesome person that he is. I was doing it all wrong. 

He is my husband and partner. This is his life too and this situation affected him in just the same way. So I told him. Via email none the less since it was late at night, I couldn't wait to tell him in person, and little man was asleep so we couldn't necessarily have a long phone conversation. But I thanked him, I apologized, and simply told him what he is to me. And of course the person that he is, he assured me that he understood, that he found it normal for me to be like that considering the situation, and for me not to worry. 

source unknown 

So I have learned... I shouldn't have a list of priorities. It is about balance because my children, my marriage and myself all deserve an equal amount of caring for. It is not one over the other or one more important now versus later. It is a balance for it all. Happy even balance is what I need to strive for.