A month

One month...it is going to be a month since our world was turned upside down. A month worth of meals..cooking..baths..playdates...bedtime stories.. life in general. You see the sun rises and sets each day... life keeps going. Life, the world around us doesn't stop when  you lose someone.

With that being said- I am thankful for the happy chaos that my life is with my boys. I am thankful that I have little hands tugging at my heart and my hands all day long. They keep my mind and my body busy. Without them I don't know how I would handle the hurt and the ache.

With the month that has passed, I have learned of the tricks that time plays with you. With each day that passes I am getting better as far as the questioning part. I no longer struggle with the why. Why him? Why do this to us? I have chosen to hold strong onto my faith and accept that God had a reason for taking him. And that that reason included the manner and the timing of it all... But as far as time goes on the flipside the more time that passes the missing him part gets harder and harder. More time without him is very difficult... more time passes and the more I ache for the sound of his voice and laughter..his smile or hell even an eyeroll...

I don't know where time will take me..take my family... but one thing I know for sure is that my brother would be so disappointed in us if we spend too much time wallowing in sadness. He would want us to celebrate the life we have here on earth and also celebrate his entrance into paradise. Now- honest to God.. I had a dream about him. I didn't get to see him but I heard his voice. He was simply telling me to stop playing the sad music. I will take that as him trying to tell me something. So I will change the music...turn it up and celebrate as best as I can to enjoy my life and the blessings that have been placed in it. I want to make him proud for when I see him again...

"I will see you again...this is not where it ends...I will carry you with me...till I see you again" -Carrie Underwood

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