Forgive and Forget?

All around me I hear the phrase- life is too short. I completely agree with that thought but when it comes to the concept of forgiveness I have some different thoughts on it. Many people believe that forgiving and forgetting come hand in hand. If one person forgives another that means that they have forgotten what that person did. This is where I disagree.

I am all for forgiveness. I do admit that I have a tendency to hold grudges and ill feelings longer than the normal person, but forgiveness is needed. No reason to hold onto to grudges because really the only person that the grudge harms is the person carrying it. I have also had times where I have had to forgive myself. There have been some major mistakes I have made in my life that took me a long time to get over. I would hold onto these mistakes and let them drive me crazy. I finally came to the point where I accepted that I had to forgive myself although I will never forget the things I did.

There have been times where I have forgiven people and simply moved on. Then there are other times where I chose to forgive but not forget. I hold my stance that this is not the same as holding a grudge. In this situation there is no ill feeling to hold onto but simply there is also no need for that person in my life. I have accepted that there are some times where I have to remove certain situations, certain people from my life. This is where I agree with "life is too short". Life is too short to stay mad at or hurt by someone but it is also too short to have people in your life that bring negativity, make you feel worthless or small consistently. 

There is a quote I once read (I dont know who wrote it nor am i taking credit for it) "Everybody in life is going to hurt you at one point or another...you just have to find the people worth hurting for."  I have accepted that friendships in life are going to be lost. I have lost friends not because I couldn't forgive them but simply because they no longer were a good friend or because we no longer fit into each others' lives. I hold onto the good memories and accept that that is all there will be left. I have also been on the flip side of that situation. I made mistakes and old friends determined they didn't need me in their life. They forgave, don't hold ill feelings and even wish me well but the friendship is gone. 

The same holds true for family. You don't get to choose your family. They are given to you as a blessing when you are born. But that does not give them the right to hurt you or make you feel like less of a person. I will say that with family it is more difficult to simply remove them from your life but I still believe that you can forgive and forget or you can forgive and choose to live your life without them in it. I will say that with family there is a lot more to consider and of course it depends on what kind of family relationship it is. With my son there are some but very few things he could do later in life that I simply couldn't forgive. But most everything I would look at as he is my son and I choose to forgive him.  Family of course as I mentioned is the family you are given when you are born but family is also who you marry into and the same should apply.

These thoughts aren't directed at anyone in particular. Its just I come across different situations where its one extreme to another. People that don't know how to forgive and isolate themselves completely or people that forgive, and forgive, and forgive only to be hurt or disappointed time and time again. People need to learn to forgive themselves first and foremost. 

Some things to ponder-

Justine