Memories

I think about my brother all the time. In the morning...at night.. at random spots throughout the day, he is with me in my thoughts. Some days are easier than others. No matter how easy or difficult, I find that for me a way to cope and get through is to go down memory lane. I recall various memories of him and go over them in detail in my head. Every detail is replayed from what we were wearing to where we were at and who we were with. It may sound a little much but I can relive those moments and they make me smile and laugh and maybe even cry but it brings me comfort.

I have many recent memories of him. When he started college both he and I and my husband left our hometown to move to our current city. So I have memories of him on holidays where he didn't go back home and celebrated them here instead. I have memories of him at various parties, various events for his school and fraternity. I have memories of him when we bought our house here because there was so many times he'd make himself right at home and get comfortable here. I have many memories with him and his many close friends he made here.. he would usually bring an entourage with him when I saw him. I have a particular memory where the husband and I had had a little too much fun in Austin one night and I had a few too many drinks. I text him the lyrics to a particular dance song.. something having to do with "the boots with the fur" and he made fun of me and laughed with me for days on that. I can hear his laugh all of the time. Most of the Easters he spent with me and I have pictures of us hunting for eggs and hanging out.

Speaking of Easter, my oldest seems to have only that memory. Last year we went to a close friends family's house and celebrated. There was a massive egg hunt and wonderful food and games and prizes. Everyone had a great time. But every time I mention him, my oldest goes back to that day..he says "remember we picked him up...and he played with me and the gray bunny (an electric toy bunny that is a replica of Thumper from Bambie)". He has that same memory every time I ask him. For his little mind and memory that is probably all he is ever going to have...

I also have many memories from our childhood. Baseball was a big thing in our family. I remember the many seasons of baseball and how he looked in each of his uniforms from when was little all the way to highschool. I remember how he attended each and every one of my softball games... not because he had to but because he wanted to.

See but as comforting as all these memories are.. there are some days that I get frustrated. I don't want memories.. I want him.. I don't want to have to reflect..I want to pick up the phone and hear his voice... but those days are to be expected.. I am grateful for the memories.. I am grateful that at least one of my children remember him. Then there is this quote...

It is sad that it took the passing of my brother to understand it completely.. So make memories.. with your kids..your loved ones.. your friends.. have fun and enjoy the life you have been given...