The Fourth, a Birthday, and Reflection

When the calendar turned to July, I was overwhelmed with emotion. Many things going on this month and it is kind of a month that I need to speed by. July marks me going into single digit weeks until new baby makes his arrival. While I am excited to meet my newest little man, there is still some nervousness about becoming a family of 5.  I remember the adjustment period when we went from one child to two and well the first few weeks are kind of difficult to navigate through. I fully expect that to happen again this time around.

July marks me turning another year older. I am very grateful for another birthday and hope and pray for many more to come. But with every year that I celebrate another year there are mixed emotions. I look forward to the new year of life and wonder what it is going to bring me. But with every year you are also reminded about how fast time goes by. You are aging..people around you are aging, and your children are entering new phases of their existence that makes you want to slow time down just a little. We celebrated with a simple dinner and cake with my little family this past weekend. Cheers to the last year of my twenties.

July is going to mark a year since I last spoke with my brother. It will also mark the one year anniversary of his passing. And well the emotion in that.. I am simply unable to put into words. The calendar marking a year is just some weird concept to me. Time heals in some ways when it comes to grief but is also tortuous in some ways when there are days that the pain feels like all of this just happened yesterday.

We also celebrated the Fourth of July. Like most people it included a parade, cooking out, swimming, and fireworks. I love celebrating these things with children. The celebration is a different kind of fun. It makes me take a hard look at their excitement and innocence and simply makes my heart full.

So while normally I don't like to speed through time, I am kind of hoping that July speeds through.. I am keeping myself busy with the boys and baby preparations and just hoping that the month is kind to me. So far so good...