Hyper Aware

I have wanted to come and write in my little corner of the internet here but simply haven't had the time. I was under the weather.. over scheduled myself in my usual way.. and we took a quick trip to Vegas. We had a blast in Vegas.. We even took the kiddos... and here we are with three jet lagged boys, a pile of laundry to do, and a mile long list of things that need to be done for the week, (like grocery shopping..we have half a gallon of milk and a banana and that's about it)

After a trip I always come home with a (tired) full grateful heart. The boys did great on the airplane and basically slept or overdosed on Mickey Mouse episodes. I am grateful to take trips like that and make memories with my crew. On the flight home with two plus hours to think there were a few things on my mind.

I recognize that I am a hyper aware person, if that is even a word. I have a pretty intense intuition that is usually accurate in some form. I am always aware of my surroundings and people's attitudes or mannerisms with me. I am a pretty good judge of character. Its not to say that I am always right because clearly that isn't the case. But I am very "in tune". Sometimes it is a good thing.. sometimes it is bad.

hotel elevator selfie 

Like on this trip.. as we are walking through the airport or the hotel hallways.. I hear people.. People comment on others as they people watch. People commented on the boys and my little family. I heard a whole bunch of bless her heart traveling with those kids. I saw eye rolls and heard groans when people saw us walk on the plane with our energetic boys. Other were delighted with them and commented on their cuteness. People found the need to comment on poor me that didn't get to have a girl... or wow she is so lucky with three boys. People wondered out loud if my older two were twins... or commented on how chunky my littlest dude is. I am always aware of things like that.

mandalay bay shark reef aquarium 

I also people watch. Not so much judging people but I watch. I come across a beautiful woman walking with confidence in heels and a stylish outfit and wonder when was the last time I wore heels. I watch a couple that can't get their hands off of each other and wonder where they are at in their relationship. I watch other moms and think wow she looks put together... or she looks like she can use a nap.. Somehow I am always aware of my surroundings.

But one thing I noticed with my always aware situation... is that I have changed.. I am no longer worrying what people think. I think this is the best part of getting older is that I do not care what outsiders think. If people are going to judge me for having kids so close in age.. or make comments under their breath about them.. I don't care.. If people find the need to make me feel bad that I will never get to be a mom to a girl .. I am ok with that.. If on some days when I am tired and my hair is on a pile in my head and I am wearing last night's t-shirt and someone makes a comment where they are pitying me.. it is ok. If people in my life don't agree with my parenting.. the type of wife I am.. or the person I am in general.. that is ok. I only need the people in my life that support me.. are there for me.. and love me despite my flaws.

I am hyper aware ..and I feel too much.. but that is who I am. This whole realizing that I am comfortable with who I am and what my life is.. is a great thing. I am not the mom that can walk around in heels and have the trendiest outfits. I am all about comfort over here. I am not the mom that wants an awesome career and a load of kids at the same time. I am a my own person. I am the mom that God wanted my boys to have and I am trying my best.

Being hyper aware on everything and everyone around me sometimes sucks the energy out of me. I want to be able to turn it off. But being hyper aware on myself.. recognizing what and who I am.. what I need to work on.. what positive things I bring to the table is a good thing. And I know this being comfortable with myself is only going to get better. I just need to stop over thinking things.