It first started when I was sending out Christmas cards. I love sending out cards. I love sitting there and making a list of who I am sending to and actually like spending the time to write them out and address them. This year though it hit me that I am sending out two less cards than I normally do. I have spoken of it many times this year...we each lost a grandparent in 2012. It stopped me in my tracks when I came across their addresses in my address book. I have faith in what and who I believe in and truly believe that they are in a better place and free from the physical suffering they were going through while still here with us...but it doesn't make it easier... it makes it bearable but not easier.
Then there is just the stress and overwhelming emotions of everything else going on. I have a few weeks left in the pregnancy. That means that any day now another little person will be in our lives and we will have to learn to navigate our lives around that. There is the fact in itself that this pregnancy has been so stressful making me anxious to kind of get it over with so I have my baby in my arms no longer having to stress about my body taking care of business. There then there is the financial issue. When you plan to have a baby you kind of have an idea what the medical costs are going to be based on your insurance situation. No one tells you to prepare for an extra hospital stay, having to see specialists and having to have special tests run when things don't go as planned. So again things had to be adjusted.
It all sometimes becomes too much. Usually when I am stressed out I like to have a drink.. a glass of wine or a beer? oh wait I can't do that either lol. But then I am always brought right back to where I need to be...
I went grocery shopping today...when I was loading my groceries in the car there was a woman and a man practically in tears roaming the parking lot asking everybody for any extra change or cash. Now I don't know their true reasons for asking for money...but I do know that is not my life. I have to be thankful that I had the money to pay for my groceries, to pay for the car that I am loading them in, and to have a house to go home to.
Things like that make you look at the bigger picture of things. People everywhere are suffering. Suffering from illness, poverty, etc. I get to lay in bed each night with my husband while there are many people laying alone worrying about their spouses serving overseas. I am complaining about extra hospital bills from the comfort of my home while there are people sleeping in a hospital bed wondering when and if they are going to get out.
So I sit back... I focus on the things that make my heart smile. I focus on the fact that my pregnancy is almost over and that although it was a difficult one, my body is able to produce a baby... something that many women can't do. I focus on my wonderful husband who does everything for our little family and makes sure we always know that we are his world. I focus on the holiday season and the good that it brings. And of course I focus on the little toddler that roams my house... the one that kisses my belly to wake up his brother. The one that (loudly) sings along to all the Christmas music being played around here...the one that each night happily thanks the Lord for another day and again loudly ends it with an AMEN!
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