A Year Old

This coming week is my littlest son's birthday... Yesterday we celebrated with a small birthday party.  Every one of my children's birthdays always make me a little emotional. Time is a blessing but sometimes you wish it would slow down a little bit...This year though, now that he is going to be a year I just am overwhelmed with emotion.

If you have been reading my blog for awhile, you know that I had some issues when I was pregnant with him. It was various things that went on but it all boiled down to early labor...way too early. I was even hospitalized for nearly two weeks because they thought he was going to come too early.

Now I know that many women have issues during pregnancy and many have much more serious issues than I did but still.. I remember being so afraid. It happened around 23 weeks. I heard phrases like viability, quality of life, lung and brain maturation. The people from NICU came to talk to me about what if scenarios..about procedures they follow. Again all scary things. Then, because I was hospitalized, I was separated from my other little one..he was-is only a toddler so he didn't understand what was going on. At one point they felt comfortable enough to send me home on bed rest. I was glad to go home but again bed rest with a toddler? That was certainly something to navigate through.. I would struggle with the fact that I knew I needed to do everything to make sure that the little one inside my belly was going to arrive safely but felt guilty that my toddler was losing out on his mommy time... The husband and I had to have scary discussions on what we would do if we were faced with certain decisions... It was a difficult time especially with the addition of my pregnancy hormones heightening everything.

When  I was hospitalized, my brother visited me/ He brought me flowers. I remember having a conversation about how scared I was. I remember him telling me that everything was going to be ok and he went out of his way to get me to laugh that day. And  now a year later and my son is here.. everything is ok with him.. but my brother is gone...

So with all of that happening and now seeing the little person that my son is, I am just overwhelmed by it all... I am so very grateful that all of the pregnancy complications didn't affect him... overwhelmed by the fact that we had a beautiful birth experience and now here he is... I wrote THIS letter to him when i was in the hospital.. and now a year later here I sit.. he is actually nursing as I type this.. my heart is so full.. Happy Birthday little man...Thank you for making me a mommy all over again and for keeping me on my toes..

PS. Thank you to everyone who came out to celebrate with us!