The Last Time

I sometimes hesitate to write about my brother. He is always on my mind but sometimes writing about him takes me down a path of emotions that is too hard to deal with. But this week is weighing heavily on my mind.

This week marks a year from the last time that I physically saw him. When he passed away he was in a different city. He had just moved to continue on in his career. This time last year he stopped by my house to say bye. It is almost like I got a formal goodbye from him. He was getting ready to travel to where he would be living. He said bye to my husband and played with and said bye to the boys. All an event that foreshadowed what was to come.

It was the last time I physically saw his face...heard his voice in person..touched him. I vaguely remember teasing him about needing to shave. We had random conversations. I sat with him in the playroom of my house. He was so excited for the journey he was about to embark on. He got ready to leave and we hugged. If you know my family...we never hugged much but that day we did. I told him to be safe and have fun and that was that.

Here I sit a year later.. it seems like a lifetime later with how different everything is. Most days I do good. I focus on the happy memories and let the memory of his laughter get me through. There are days like this though where the calendar rudely reminds me that time is going at warp speed. I can only sit here and try to keep up with the roller coaster of emotions that time takes me on.

I am so very grateful that -that was our last encounter. Sure if I knew then what I know now I would have had a million and one more things to say to him. But the point that I carry with me is that last time involved happy conversation, laughter, and hugs.

That is the hard thing about life .. we don't know if the memories and moments we are creating will be the last time...

Just a simple reminder to make each one of them count....