That Conversation Again

So lately there has been a particular topic on our mind. That particular one on deciding what to do about the size of our family. To have another or not to? I think it is an extremely sensitive private decision for every family. People throw out comments left and right about the subject. It is always fun when perfect strangers do it too. I have heard women rudely tell people why she is only going to have one child something to do about selfishness and the fact that she believes it is impossible to give more than one kid the attention they need...I have heard people say that I need to keep going for a girl. I have heard people shame others for only having one child. I have heard people question why a couple would decide to have more if they already had a boy and a girl. I have heard others shame big families. The list goes on and on. I believe that everyone needs to keep their opinions on the matter to themselves. If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all ;)

I bring it up however because of where we are with our decision. I remember writing about this years back. We had already had our oldest and knew that we wanted more but were unsure about the timing. Figuring out when and how to space them is always a tricky thing. Then we got pregnant and I miscarried. I didn't talk much about it here really because it is a private matter but then when it happened I realized how common it is. Then we got pregnant with middle dude... had a host of complications and at one point were worried we were going to lose him. It was like if we were being reminded that God is in control. We can plan and time it all we want but ultimately there is only so much we can do. After middle dude's arrival we felt it in our hearts to keep going. We were happy with the spacing we have of two years apart.

And now we are here. Four kids had been our magic number that we wanted. But with 3 kids 4 and under things got crazy. I don't sleep much and well they are expensive. So now the idea of 4 seems kind of daunting.But I kept waiting for that "complete" feeling. For the most part... most people I know regret not having another when they didn't feel complete. Then there are the ones that knew the exact moment they felt complete and happily closed up shop. A few weekends ago I did have a moment where I was observing my little family and did feel some sense of being "complete". I thought I'd be okay with our setup now. There are little things where I realize that my oldest is taking us into the next stage so to speak. The next stage where there are certain things that are easier.. A next stage where there are a host of new things to experience.

How do you decide? Is there a forever baby fever feeling that is never going to go away. Or is that slight complete feeling I felt going to have to be enough? Or do I just need a full nights sleep to be ready for another one lol...

I will say that I love having my circus that I do. For OUR FAMILY it works.. we have our setup and routine of taming our circus. So now its about praying about what is next for our family. I will say that if we do decide to have another... no it is not about trying for a girl. It is about wanting to expand our family. Either way.. Even on the hardest days I know that I am extremely blessed. The Type A in me needs a plan all the time.. But I guess we will just have to wait and see...