Compassion and Parenting

Last night we had open house at the school my oldest is attending. It was time to meet the teacher and check out the classroom. As I have mentioned before, he is doing preschool. It is second year in preschool. Because of his birthday, he didn't meet the cutoff. I personally only wanted to send him to pre k one year but he really wanted to go last year. He is so far that type that wants to be in the social aspect of school and is eager to learn. I remember last year being so nervous. The type of person that I am, it is hard for me to let go. To put him in the care of another. And to put him in the social world that can sometimes be so mean is difficult for me.

A few months back I was sitting at his baseball practice. It was a crowded day... practices are held at the school/church so there is always lots of people around. I noticed some older elementary boys to the side that were gathering mud from the ground and forming them into balls that they then threw. I thought they were just playing a game and thought to myself.. wow typical boys, making messes and getting dirty. But as I paid closer attention... I saw that they were throwing the mud balls at someone. Another boy that didn't appear to appreciate it very much. I watched to see how the situation unfolded. I saw the boy that was getting hit by the balls become distressed and attempted to run away. He asked them to stop and the other boys didn't listen. He stumbled as he tried to run away and finally got out of sight. The boys tried to follow.. I made the decision to intervene and told the boys to knock it off. They ran away laughing..pleased with themselves. I don't know anything about them..or where they come from. But in those few seconds I saw that they delighted in making others feel bad.

I over think things and of course felt horrible for the boy. I know that there is some "kids will be kids" mentality. Some situations are mild and a part of life and some parents just see it as oh well they have to learn. I also know that you never know who is on the receiving end of it ... if that person is sensitive or has a thicker skin.

I have socialized my boys a ton. I am a part of a few playgroups.. I have a few friends with kids. Oldest dude has been a part of team sports and has interacted there as well. They play with kids of all ages both boys and girls. I have never had a serious issue in any of these interactions. Sure there are the no sharing spats or the taking turns dilemmas but that is the extent of them. Recently oldest dude was in a situation where an older little girl was being mean to the group. She was being rough and throwing and hitting and teasing. Normally oldest dude knows how to navigate the situation where he asks the person to stop and if not stands up for himself or removes himself from the situation. He couldn't remove himself in this particular situation. He held himself back from standing up for himself because he has been told several times not to hit girls.. He had to to figure it out. He told me the story afterward.. and my stomach was in knots. Exactly the types of situation that I know only gets worse as they get older...

So as I watched him tonight in his classroom, he was jumping around with excitement. He met his teacher and was looking around for some familiar faces. I know he loves school and I am excited for him. But as the new school year is about to begin .. I pray.. I pray that my sons .. have the wisdom, strength and character to navigate the tough social situations. I pray that they have compassion in their hearts to treat others kindly and that they are never the ones to hurt others on purpose.. I pray that they stand up for themselves with strength and grace and never let others feel small. I pray that they will come to me whenever they need to as they learn and experience along the way. I pray for the adults whose care we put our kids in .. that they have the same compassion equally for every student and that they are there to help when the kids turn to them.

I am not naive and know that sometimes my boys will fail. They will make wrong choices..they will also be hurt by others. This is one of the hard parts about parenting.. but if we teach compassion.. well compassion goes a long way.