Well last week was my birthday...I am thirty two years young ;) Like that song says..."I remember when thirty was old". Thirty always seemed so far away to me. And now? The thirties so far are my favorite. My twenties were fun... but there was always so much uncertainty. At least for me anyway. Behind every decision there was hesitation. A fear that I was "doing it wrong". There was a sense that life was a race...some sort of weird competition. A checklist to complete. And these past few years I have realized that none of that is true. Sure adult decision making is never fun and can be stressful. But I also know now that even if I make the wrong decision...it isn't the end of the world. And the checklist and competition? Nope...life is so not like that. The life I want or have may be so very different from what someone else my age wants or needs. And what one chooses to do with their life shouldn't be considered the "right" way.
I am also much more secure with myself. Physically I am always going to feel that I have work to do. I grew four large boy babies in my belly in the matter of seven years. Some things aren't going to go back to the way they were no matter how hard I try. I am secure in knowing that it is always about making healthy choices. I can listen to my body and know when I haven't had enough physical activity. When my mind is fuzzy I know that I am low on sleep and probably need a "me" mind break. And I make it happen. I don't push my body in extremely unhealthy ways. Sure do I enjoy an occasional alcoholic beverage or do we occasionally take the boys for ice cream. Of course. But I have learned that balance is key. I also have learned that I am going to mess up. I am going to choose wrong sometimes...make mistakes..bad decisions. But I also have learned that when I do that I have to learn from them...not repeat them...take responsibility and move on.
This past new year I simply made a resolution to be more intentional with my time. My boys are growing at crazy speeds...I'm closing in on almost a decade of marriage. I just don't want to feel like I am running out of time. I have a bad habit of always worrying about things that are so far ahead in time instead of enjoying the right now. And in being more intentional I also needed to take a look at who I was surrounding myself with and spending my time with. I believe that you should only surround yourself with people that you can be 100 percent yourself around and if you have children...that they can be 100 percent themselves too. I found that times I was in situations where that wasn't the case. If you don't love me for me and love my large family that comes along with me then there is no point in forcing anything...why waste time with people that really aren't your people.
And lastly ... probably more because of the loss of my brother... but the simple statement that life is too short and not promised to anyone for any amount of time is something I carry with me all the time. As I have said before I just want to enjoy my family...raise some respectable God loving boys...see the world with them... and enjoy life with the amazing husband God blessed me with.
I don't have all of the answers...but I don't need them. I am excited to see what year thirty two brings for me. I thank everyone for the birthday love <3
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