My marriage partner

I have talked before about my marriage and the wonderful man that I am married to. I may have come across as opinionated or judgemental and of course that was never my intention. I write about things that I feel strongly about. Before my husband I had been in a bad relationship. I write these things that I feel about marriage and relationships because I feel so blessed to have the marriage I do now. Since I have been in a bad relationship before, and now have a good one to compare it to I feel like I can talk about things as if they were my lessons learned so to speak.

My thoughts on marriage this time around is about crisis. If you have read previous posts, you would know that these past weeks have been so very difficult for my husband, myself, and our extended families. While I never mean to portray our relationship is perfect, we had honestly never been faced with very difficult things. Sure there was the occasional obstacle or two, or maybe a hard decision. But now we have been dealing with loss, illness, uncertainty. 

As mentioned before, when I speak of being in love with my husband it is real easy to talk about his charming good looks :) his patience for me, and getting to see him as a father. But now I have gotten to see him in times of hurt, disappointment, and stress. Not that I am glad to see him this way but since I had to I am even more confident in the person he is. He is my safe haven. I know that through it all he will be my rock. I know that when I am hurt or mad or sad that he is the person that will support and save me. I also know that he is secure in our relationship to come to me for anything as well. It amazes me how strong a person he is and how well he knew just how to handle things. He was able to deal with and recognize his emotions while still helping and being there for me and others around him. 

Every man has different ways of coping with things. I am not saying that one way is the right way or better than another way. What I am saying is to to be with someone that makes you feel safe. Be with someone that makes you feel like you could face anything in the world because all that is going to matter is that he is standing by your side through it all. 

When I married my husband I had forever in mind. Forever is a very long time so I know that we are going to get our share of hard times along the way. But with him by my side, life seems a little less scary. 

--j--

Healing

A few posts ago I spoke of hard times. Difficult things were thrown our way and when I wrote the post, little did I know that the hard times weren't over yet. We sit here healing, going on about life and doing the everyday tasks like if nothing happened. That is really all we can do besides holding on to our faith for dear life. Then I read this: (i couldn't locate the source but I do not take any credit for it)



Bottom line is that there are always going to be things that test you, try to break you, and ultimately make you wonder whats the point? I spoke before about holding onto some sort of faith. There is a rhyme and a reason for things happening the way they do. Do not let the hard times define your life or make you live life in any way less but to the fullest. Do not let fear take over your soul because then you miss out on the good things, the things that matter.

The world is a very scary place. There are bad things that happen and there are bad people in the world. There are things that we have some control over but mostly there are the things that we have no control over. You have to learn, you have to heal, and then move on.

The world is also a beautiful place. There are so many magical things to see, experience, and feel. Do not let the taste of bitterness, the taste of fear of the unknown, or the taste of heartache take away the taste of all things beautiful.

I don't write these things to come across as preachy or in a lecture type way. Most of the times I write these things to remind myself and the people I love on how to live. I thank everyone for their prayers. My husband  and I are healing well. I said many a prayers and want to thank others for theirs when it came to my sister.

Have a wonderful day!

--j--

Hard times

The reason I blog is because I find writing to be theraputic. I like sharing pictures of my life so that my family most of whom live out of town can be updated on and get to see little man. It makes me happy to write about everyday life and of things that I am passionate or opinionated about. This past week I haven't been able to write simple because being happy was a hard thing to do. I hate saying that because simply waking up to my wonderful handsome husband and precious perfect little man should be enough to shine happiness on any bad day but unfortunately it was still a hard thing to do.

This past week has been one of the hardest in all of my adult life. I don't wish to share in all the details of the events that took place but they were enough to rattle our lives, hurt us, and simply make us question where do we go from here. I can say though that one event didn't have anything to do with another which doesn't make anything easier.

I understand that life isn't always easy and that there will always be tough times. Suffering is needed in order to have compassion and to be grateful. I do not like questioning my faith because faith is what ultimately gets us through. Unfortunately though in time of tears it is rather difficult to not question why this, why now, or why me. Those are questions though without any answers. I, we, just have to accept that there is a bigger plan, one which we have no knowledge of but somehow know is there.

I have written before about not taking life for granted. It sounds so cliche and many people find it hard to live that way when there are jobs to go to, bills to be paid and errands to be ran. Life gets busy and cluttered and we simply forget. Then things happen and we realize time has been wasted, mistakes have been made, and the simple joyous aspects of life have been forgotten.

At the end of the day myself, little man, and the husband are all healthy. We have so many things to be grateful for because we have been blessed in so many ways. This week happened for a reason. We have learned, we have grown stronger, and we have trusted in our faith that we will move forward and enjoy the wonderful life that we have been given. Life is difficult and sometimes almost unbearable but as I lay here listening to the soft breathing of the two men in my life I know there is a bigger picture. I know there is a bigger plan and that God only gives us what he knows we can handle.

So again, without being all preacherish, remember that life is too short. Do what makes you happy, live as though there is no tomorrow. Enjoy the little things, count your blessings, and remember that rainstorms are apart of life. Eventually they will clear up and the sun will come out and make it all okay.

And if you have the time, say a little prayer to help our family as we heal.

Love and Butterflies

I was cruising Pinterest the other day and read the following:

"Never settle for anything less than butterflies".

I have talked about my marriage and marriage in general before. Now I don't pretend to have a perfect marriage, pretend to be an expert in relationships or anything like that but I would like to add my two cents in on the above quote.

When the topic of marriage comes up around me whether it be someone looking for marriage, deciding if a particular person is the person for them, or sadly ending their marriage everything that goes through my mind usually ties in the quote above.

People get married for the wrong reasons. They are lonely, feel like there is no one else. They are settling due to circumstances like age or what not. Some do it simply because they feel it is the next thing to do in a life of to do lists.

It saddens me. Marriage or even just relationships in general are supposed to be about the excitement of having a partner in life that you love, adore, and are good to look at :) It is about the butterflies. The wonderful feeling at the beginning when you kiss them for the first time. The anticipation of wondering when you will see them again. Then there is the feeling when you are walking down the aisle towards them. The feeling of waking up next to them, watching them hold your child for the first time, or having them hold you close when life simply sucks. The little times where your eyes meet in a crowded room, where you catch each other checking each other out, or when he grabs your hand in public to let the world know you are his.

Although there are and will be bad or difficult times throughout any relationship you know its a keeper if the butterflies outweigh the bad. There are times when my wonderful husband annoys, upsets, or even disappoints me but the butterflies are still there- probably even stronger than before. The butterflies come in different forms but always have the same effect.

Fight for the butterflies. Don't settle. Love without butterflies just isn't as magical.

-J-

adulthood

I remember when I first got out of high school and lived on my own although there was working and school involved, time was a blur. Between working, classes, friends and partying, weeks flew by. On my days off I would sleep until noon. Weekends were meant to have lots of irresponsible fun. I don't necessarily remember the transition into adulthood. It kind of just happened. All of a sudden I had bills and things to worry about that involved more than what new outfit I was going to get for the weekend. Adulthood has brought many positive things, don't get me wrong. Independence, my marriage, being a parent, owning a home are just to name a few. Those experiences are all rewarding but can cause the most stress too.

When it comes to marriage there is something magical about having someone as your partner and by your side for everything that life throws at you. But it also means that when they hurt you hurt too. When they are ill, hurting, or in need it is your responsibility to support, try to mend, and comfort.

Independence is an awesome thing. You are free to make your own decisions, live by your own rules, morals, and values. But it also means that if you make a mistake, there is no one to clean up after you. If you make a poor choice or decision you are on your own to live with whatever consequence might come along.

Owning a home is a wonderful thing as well. You get to invest in a piece of property that you get to do with as you please in order to make it a home. It is exciting. There is a lot to it though. Maintenance and upkeep are all your job. There isn't a landlord or apartment guy to come take care of everything. If something breaks and needs to be replaced or repaired it is out of pocket money to you. When we bought our home I was excited to garden and landscape and such. I am still excited and love doing it all but there is also weeds, pests, lawn disease that needs to be treated for. Routine upkeep like mowing and watering all take time out of your life. You have to make sure that you are maintaining your home properly from the appliances to the flooring, the roof, etc. It can become stressful fast.

Being a parent for me is by far the most rewarding experience in the world. But again you are responsible for this little mini person who relies on you for everything. Just like with a spouse, when they hurt you hurt. When they are ill, in need, hurt, or sad, again it all falls to you . With children, it is even more difficult because if they are at the age that they can't communicate completely then it also becomes a guessing game as to making sure that you understand what is wrong with them.

It must sound like I am complaining. That is not my intent at all. As you get older you also learn. You learn many lessons, you gain wisdom, and things simply start to make sense. But there are some times that life is overwhelming. Sometimes you wish for the simplicity of being a young child. Sometimes you want a break, maybe just a short nap and even that is not always doable. Sometimes you just want to sit and cry and that is okay too.

Then the rough times end. The trials pass, the stress melts away. All is well again and you are that much more grateful for the awesome life you have and are glad that hard times made you that much stronger.

love

This past weekend my little man and the hubby took me to see The Vow. I had been excited to see this movie since I saw its preview months ago. Who doesn't want to watch a love story with such beautiful people in it? I personally loved the movie. It was a bit predictable but I was really moved that it was based on a true story. Although it was under tragic circumstances, it still shows the power of love. Real life positive love stories are a good thing among the piles of bad news around the world today.


Then there is this quote:


"All love stories are beautiful...but OURS is my favorite."


This makes me happy. Our love story is not one out of a movie or a fairy tale. Our love story involved difficulties, obstacles, growing up, and stressful times. Not to say that everything is easy now all the time but it took multiple attempts at the relationship at the beginning. It took having to realize that we weren't ready the first time because we still had some growing up to do. But here we are, life brought us to back to each other. 


Our love story is ours and it involves me walking down the aisle, vowing to love and be a partner to this man for the rest of our lives. It involves us bringing a beautiful child into the world together. It involves us through the good, the bad, and the ugly. I am so excited to see where our love story takes us.


On this Valentines day, celebrate the magic of love. Be with whoever or whatever makes your heart smile whether it be your spouse, significant other, child, friend or pet. 


My heart smiles for these two.

Happy Valentines Day!

Parenting and Your Marriage

I have talked before about marriage and relationships and given some advice. By no means do I think that I am qualified to give advice to the masses but I do know there have been some lessons that I have learned along the way that I would like to share. 


A lesson I am learning right now and will continue to learn over time is about managing your marriage with a child. Before the child comes into the picture, it is just the two of you. All of your time and love and affection goes to your significant other. Then a precious baby comes around and your time, affection, and love now has to be shared. That is the key word, shared. I have already been guilty of making sure that every need of my child has been met without worrying about my husbands or not worrying about his until after the fact. I thought of this while my husband was sick this past week. Since he had the flu, little man and I stayed on a different floor of the house. I had a heck of a time going up and down making sure both were taken care of in every way. It was tiring but I really need to be doing that all the time. I have also been guilty of being frustrated at the end of the day because it was a trying one with little man that I forget to ask the husband how his day was or if anything was on his mind. Of course you taking care of your child is of utmost importance but also remember that later on in life when your child grows up and have a family of his own you will be extra thankful for the person next to you.

I am an extreme picture taker. I love taking pictures and documenting all of life's awesome memories. Since my kiddo came along the camera seems to gravitate towards his cheesy smile 100% of the time. Looking back through pictures this past year I found that I have far less pictures of us as a couple than from ever before. I need to remember that I have to document our relationship too. It is just as important as the awesomeness of a growing child. 

Before you have a child have conversations about all aspects of child rearing. Once the child is here keep talking. I thought we had talked about most everything but little things keep coming up. You don't want to be having arguments about differences in opinion on raising a child as you go along. We talked about things before he was born about certain things like whether to breast or bottle feed, cloth or disposable diapers, child care, discipline, things like that. As I mentioned before, before I had him I truly thought that I would go back to work full time. Once he was here that went out that window and there was a new conversation to be had. The other day we got into a conversation about public vs. private school. We had never talked about it before and although we are years away from that, it is something we need to talk about. Remember it is a team effort and compromise rather than just one person getting their way.


Speaking of team effort, you should always support each other to other people. I have also mentioned before that parenting methods are always open for judgement. People are real quick to criticize certain things you may choose to do. As partners you need to stand united on your parenting choices and not let others' opinions influence.

My marriage is very important to me. I am learning and will continue to learn. We don't always agree on things but we work at it and stay focused! 

---Justine---

The two men of my life

 
So these past few days have been rough. The husband caught a nasty stomach bug that completely sidelined him. Since these types of bugs tend to be contagious, little man and I had to stay on the opposite floor of the house. Little man missed his daddy like crazy. He would stand at the bottom of the stairs and yell up to him every so often. He would wake up from his naps and look around "asking" for dada. 

I absolutely love the relationship the two of them have. For one there is the fact that they look so much alike. When he was first born everyone would go on about how much he looked like me. Now he is all daddy. They have so much fun playing and interacting. I am amazed at how much patience my once impatient husband has gained. My "manly" husband who is obsessed with sports and listens to rap music now sings elmo songs and plays telephone.

Little man gets so excited when he gets home from work. He also throws major drama fits when his dad leaves somewhere without him and will go pound on the garage door upset. Right now during the toddler refuses to eat stage, for some reason he eats so much better from his dad then he does from me. It is quite frustrating. 

I feel so blessed when I see the relationship they have and look forward to seeing how their relationship grows.

they sleep alike! (air mattress on our holiday travel)

I found a quote on Pinterest. 

This couldn't be more true.